Letter 7 – Cold Feet 17.01.19

I turn the key and open the door,

The air is cold and damp clings to the walls.

I drop my suitcase on the empty floor,

And sink onto the side of the bed.

Here in the attic, I hear nothing except the raindrops on the window.

Here in the attic, I hear nothing except the ticking of a small clock.

Here in the attic, I hear nothing except my own slow breathing.

I am alone. The attic and I.

Soon, no light shines through the window,

My cold fingers fumble at the duvet.

I climb into the empty bed,

And curl my body up into a ball.

Here in the attic, I close my eyes but don’t sleep.

Here in the attic, I hug my pillow for company.

Here in the attic, a tear falls onto the sheet.

I am alone. The attic and I.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I always find change difficult, and coming back to university after the holidays felt like a big change. The first few days I struggled to sleep, and even after spending hours with my friends, coming into my room felt like entering another world.

I wrote this poem after a few days of struggling to get back into a routine, but can happily look back at it now from a much more comfortable and happier place.

What I wanted to say, is that it’s okay to find things difficult sometimes, but always be positive that things will get better and before long you will find that things are okay again.

Thank you to all my amazing friends who help me feel at home while I’m at university. It took some time, but now I’m glad to be back 🙂

Sophie Xxx

Letter 3 – 14.09.18 THAT Oxford Story

Friday 14th September 2018

“Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better” – Dr Steve Maraboli

Okay so if you know me personally, no, this isn’t THAT Oxford story – I’m not sharing that with the world… or not yet. This is my whole Oxford story- from application to… well… rejection.

I mentioned in my last post that my Year 10 English teacher had once said to my mum that ‘Sophie should study English lit at Oxford‘. And it’s true, that was probably one of the reasons why I’m doing an English degree now. I was never set on going to university- instead, I would’ve preferred moving to London and beginning a career in the performing arts (if only it was that simple). However, I went to a very academically demanding grammar school where I achieved extremely good GCSE results, and so not going to university seemed like a waste. And frankly, when I got to sixth form I wanted to go to university- adults always reminisced about their university days, and the lifestyle seemed appealing.

And so it was decided; I was going to university, but where?

My English teacher’s comment, combined with my GCSE results, meant that I was placed on the expected Oxbridge applicants list at my school, and so I went to open days and lectures at both Oxford and Cambridge to help me decide which one to apply for. What’s funny is that I always said that I preferred Cambridge, however in the end, Oxford felt more familiar (probably because my brother went there and it was much closer so I had been many times). And so at the last minute, I sent off my personal statement to Oxford.

The process of applying to Oxbridge is soooo much longer than for other universities. For most, you send off your predicted grades along with your personal statement and then await their offer. For Oxford (English at least), there were many more stages to the process…

  1. Send off your personal statement and predicted grades (same as everywhere)
  2. THEN send off a sample of some of your recent written work
  3. THEN sit the ELAT entrance exam
  4. THEN (if you get this far) attend your dreaded Oxford Interviews…

Interviews at Oxford include a full on field trip. When you choose to apply here you either submit an open application to any college, or you select one college from the 30-odd options which will be like your ‘home’ for your 3/4 years. I had chosen St John’s (which on reflection was one of three colleges my brother told me NOT to apply to because they were notoriously hard to get into), oh well. I had attended a selective English study day there and the fact it was a big college with lots of English tutors appealed to me, and so I applied.

Me in St John's

This meant that at the start of December I took the train from my hometown up to Oxford, walked to St John’s with my brother and began my interview experience. You are given a room inside college, which gives you a sense of what you could be living in during your first year. That sense for me unfortunately was a little underwhelming. The college boasted some impressive buildings with some lovely rooms, however my top-floor room in Tommy White building 1 was narrower than the winding corridor leading to it. Still, it didn’t put me off the college entirely, and I waved goodbye to my brother and headed to the JCR (junior common room) to meet some of the other interview candidates. There I met Leo and Caroline, and we hung out together for most of that day.

I was in Oxford for 3 and a 1/2 days, and seeing as my interviews only took place on one of those days and were only 2 hours long in total, that left looooads of time for making friends. One of the definite bonuses of the stay in college was the food. Lucky for me (who isn’t a big meat eater), St John’s had lots of options and always something with chicken (which was the only meat I liked!). We were given three big complimentary meals a day, which we ate in the dining hall which resembles the Great Hall in Harry Potter (no surprise seeing as that was actually filmed in Oxford).

Another great thing about the interview experience (particularly at St John’s) was meeting international applicants. I met people from France, Vienna, Ecuador and Berlin to name a few, and as someone who has never lived anywhere except South-East England, it was amazing hearing people’s stories who had already lived and travelled around half the world.

In fact, here’s a quick list of my top 5 things to do when in Oxford:

  1. Go to the Covered Market- this is number one for sure because the Covered Market is home to the infamous Ben’s Cookies. Now if you’ve never had a Ben’s Cookie then OMGSKFJFIE BUY ONE! As a massive cookies fan, there is never a time when I visit Oxford and don’t get a melt-in-the-middle chocolate chip cookie from this heavenly shop. Trust me, it’s a must.
  2. Visit Blackwell’s- Blackwell’s is Oxford’s best bookshop, and actually kinda famous. Although the chain now has 45 stores, Oxford’s was the first. The main room, named ‘The Norrington Room’ has more than 160,000 books on over 3 miles worth of shelving- pretty cool (particularly to an English student).
  3. Try and look inside some colleges- if you’re 17/18, a great trick to pull is to say that you are a ‘prospective’ student, and generally they will let you look around most of the college for free. Many parts of Oxford colleges are open to the public at certain times of day, and it’s pretty cool to have a little look around them and spot some students in action.
  4. Go to the Bodleian library/ Radcliffe Camera- even if you don’t go inside either of them, the area surrounding them is extremely picturesque as you have the walls of Jesus college around you, and besides, the Radcliffe camera appears on half of the tourist postcards from Oxford, so you may as well see it in person.
  5. Go shopping- Oxford has lots of cute high street shops as well as the new shopping centre Westgate which has looooads of popular brand shops. And if you happen to be there at Christmas, the Christmas market on Broad Street makes for some cute photo opportunities.
christmas market

However, the experience wasn’t all fun conversation and matches of table tennis. Then it came to the interviews themselves.

In the UK, you always hear Oxford and Cambridge interview horror stories, and coming from someone who’s experienced it, yes it’s bad, but it’s also not THAT bad.

The questions they asked were all relevant to English and the things I had said on my personal statement. They were just very very very hard (or at least I felt they were). The way it goes for an English interview at St John’s (as it is slightly different for each college), was that half a hour before my scheduled interview I was given a poem to sit in silence and read through. I was allowed to make annotations, and then was escorted to my interview. The first part of each of my two interviews consisted of two tutors asking me questions about aspects of the poems.

I was prepared to list a whole load of linguistic devices which I had identified- but that is NOT what they want to hear. During your interviews, the interviewers are generally much more interested in hearing about ideas, critical thinking and deep analysis, and whether you can show that you’ve understood possible different meanings of the text. So you really can’t fake your knowledge, they can tell whether someone is truly passionate about their subject or whether they can just make it seem that way on paper.

So yeah, it didn’t go that well. The high point for me was definitely when I was asked ‘tell me about the moral implications of Gloucester’s fall in Act blah blah of King Lear’, to which I replied, ‘I’m sorry but I’m actually studying Hamlet’ and was met back with ‘but SURELY you’ve read King Lear’.

Yeah, in that moment I knew I wasn’t cut out for Oxford.

Still, the beauty of the experience was that for four days I could pretend I was an Oxford student, walking around the immensely beautiful buildings whilst making some true friends and without having the stress of ACTUALLY being an Oxford student.

Going back home afterwards, I knew that it could be a yes or a no and honestly, I wasn’t really that bothered. So when I opened my email in January to be met with rejection, yes I cried a little bit, but I knew that it was actually the right thing.

Oxford isn’t for everyone.

When talking to my brother about whether he thought it was seriously the place for me (whilst he was embarking on his third year as a PhysPhil student there), he said you have to have a real love and dedication for your subject to the point where you can handle constantly feeling that your work isn’t good enough. And I knew that, as much as I love English, I couldn’t deal with the pressure and constant demand to ‘be better’ that Oxford required. Choosing your university is such an important decision, and I firmly believe that every thing happens for a reason, so yes I was rejected, but that doesn’t mean I’m not good enough to do an English degree- just maybe not at Oxford.

And so I firmed Exeter. And I hope the next few weeks will confirm that it really is the place for me 🙂

P.S. If you have ever applied for anything and been rejected, don’t let it affect the way you see yourself and how much you’re worth. Rejection happens all the time, and most of the time, it will lead you to something better, so don’t give up xx

Sophie Xx

Ben's cookies my photos

Letter 2 – 13.09.18 The Last Day

Thursday 13th September 2018

Life takes you to unexpected places, love bring you home – anonymous

So today is the last full day I get to spend at home before I technically move out and travel to university tomorrow. Today I did my last minute shop to buy a chopping board, some cute copper baskets for my desk and of course, more fairy lights. So for today’s post I thought I would tell you a little bit about my experience prepping for university this last year and how it all happens in the UK.

So, in the UK when you are 17 (usually) you are encouraged to think about what route you want to take when you leave school – whether that is an apprenticeship, trying to get a job, taking a gap year or going straight to uni. For me, I knew immediately that I wanted to go to university (and having an older brother who had already gone through the process, it seemed like the most logical step for me to take).

So you want to go to uni, what next?

UCAS

Lucky for me, 99% of the people at my school also apply for university places so I was given a decent amount of support through my application. Here is pretty much how it goes (as far as I can remember):

  1. You start visiting uni open days to get a feel for a wide range of different unis e.g. campus or collegiate.
  2. You receive your predicted grades from school. These might help you decide on a degree subject and then can be used to compare with the grade requirements for different universities.
  3. You write your personal statement, which is basically an A4 page document explaining why you are a perfect candidate for your chosen course.
  4. You pick a maximum of 5 universities (it’s a little different for vocational degrees or medicine), send off your personal statement (and any extra documents they require) and wait to hear back…
  5. You receive letters of acceptance/ rejection from your universities. Here, if you’re accepted, they will outline the grade requirements you need to secure your place in the autumn.
  6. Time to pick your firm choice (1st choice) and insurance (2nd choice, usually lower grades to ensure you can get into somewhere!)
  7. And then it’s the scary part, you sit your exams and await the results…

A year later from when you began and you’re standing in your school hall, probably with your parents, clutching a piece of paper with your grades. And hopefully, you’ll be off to university a month later.

And so that’s what happens. It’s a little different for everyone, depending on your course, university choices etc. and it definitely isn’t always as simple as that. There are deadlines, last minute changes and an enormous amount of stress, stress and stress. But through it all you just have to remember- this happens every year, to every one, and it’s all worth it in the end.

So now that is all the general stuff over, well I think it’s time I tell you about my personal experience applying for university. Coming into Year 12 (or sixth form as it’s more commonly known), I was already pretty sure that I wanted to do my degree in English literature. I loved to read, I found english lessons not entirely dull, and (and this is what probably swung it), when I was in year 10 my English teacher told my mum, ‘I think Sophie should apply for English at Oxford’. And so I did.

exeterNow just to make it clear, I’m going to Exeter, not Oxford. And again that is a story for another post. So, I had decided on a course, now it was time to have a look at my university options. Lucky for me I had come out with a very solid set of predicted grades across my 4 A level subjects (English lit, Latin, Maths and Dance), so could pretty much choose wherever I wanted. So I looked up the league tables (not that they really tell you much) as well as a map of the UK so I could pinpoint where all these unis were. Eventually I came up with my 5 unis, and they were

  1. Oxford
  2. Exeter
  3. Bristol
  4. Warwick
  5. and Durham

Whilst on my summer holidays I strove to write my personal statement, filling it with self-praise and long words which I’d pinched from the thesaurus to try and make myself sound more academic. After several drafts, I sent it off along with the rest of my application. The road to Oxford was a very long process, and by January I received an email informing me that my application had been unsuccessful.

Moving on.

But I did manage to get offers from the other 4 unis I had applied to. I’d actually only visited Exeter and Warwick, and having looked on my map and realising just how far away Durham was, and knowing nothing about Bristol, I decided that Exeter would therefore be my first choice and Warwick my second. And then all that was left was to sit my A-level exams.

Jump forward two months and results day was upon me, and having been left home alone it was my job to wake up early and drive myself into school (alone) to pick up my results. Luckily, I had already received an email from Exeter (and from UCAS Track, which is the whole application system), telling me that my place had been confirmed.

So that made the drive to school a whooooole lot easier. I walked it, collected my results, chatted to my teachers and then went to Pizza Express to celebrate with one of my best friends and get free dough balls.

Not a bad day.

And so here we are, this time tomorrow I will be in the car on the way to Exeter, my little home in Buckinghamshire seeming like a world away. And despite being nervous,

I can’t wait 🙂

So, here’s to tomorrow…

Sophie Xx

packing

Letter 1 – 12.09.18 The Beginning

Wednesday 12th September 2018

In the end, we’ll all become stories… – Margaret Atwood

Hi, whoever may be reading this entry. My name is Sophie, and I’m an 18 girl who right this moment is sitting alone in her room surrounded by suitcases, bags and loose bits of clothing which constitutes my attempt at packing for university. The story of how I’ve ended up being two days away from leaving home and entering what I hope will be the best three years of my life to date is a story, however, for another post.

All that I have to say right this moment is, first of all, thank you for being here right now, I hope you enjoy reading what I hope will be regular and frequent entries on here about the events going on in my life, some of which will be exciting whilst other days merely mundane. And secondly I just want to say that I am so excited to be able to use this blog as a way of sharing a little piece of myself with the world (and not just because my older brother has just created his own blog too… though maybe partially because of that…).

Anyway, as it is currently 23:20, I think that I should probably head to bed and wait to upload my first *proper* post tomorrow,

Write soon,

Sophie Xx

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